Promise to stay awake

Poetry Original Works - Post Your Poems
1

Revised version

find a place to flaunt your awe
find a home where awe can breathe
a seat for wonder
a space that listens
ringed by jousting fairground rides
slaked by fields and woods

let wonder and fear walk with you

awe unfurls its wings
awe pulls on its boots
and we shout like saints
we put on morning fresh gowns
we wear our bold stripes

First version

postpone bedtime
find a place to flaunt your awe
find a home where awe can breathe
a seat for wonder
a space that listens
ringed by jousting fairground rides
slaked by fields and woods

awe unfurls its wings
awe pulls on its boots
and we shout like saints
we put on morning fresh gowns
we wear our bold stripes

let wonder and fear walk with you

awe wakes to your touch

1 Like
2

Amusing with that thread of mundane and ritual. Particularly liked the demonstrative ‘flaunt’. Perhaps the underlying human need for ‘wonder’ could be more pinpointed in the closure?

Phil

3

Yes, that ending felt flat. Thanks for confirming that. I rejigged the poem.

4

i like the rewrite better, but for me, the opening of the original is shinier. Very much enjoyed