Tears, seemingly genuine
and probably bitter
slid in shuddered velocities,
barely registered.
Her side-on profile,
sitting on their bed
the spasmodic rhythms
dominated, in waves
he could never fully authenticate
he held back,
sometimes wrapping arms around a problem
perpetuates the misery;
hugs without the required caveats
might extinguish the fire
but rarely the source
he held back
the words she should hear.
There are times for truths,
and he knew he’d be judged
for his thoughtful silence
the unoffered arms.
Sometimes kindness kills,
there are no alternatives,
he’ll look like a bastard
but accept the consequences
One of the eternal dilemmas faced by all of us at times. Sometimes sympathy or a cuddle isn’t the answer, just a diversion, a mere sticking plaster over an open artery.
Sometimes the ones you care about have to learn about life the hard way. Sometimes your role is to be there when they start to pick up the pieces and rebuild themselves.
If ‘looking like a bastard’ is the price you have to pay then it’s worth it. And sometimes you might overhear them telling others, “He’s a bastard at times, but he knows when it’s needed.”
This poem contains much insight and really good advice. I don’t take issue with any of the substance. What does concern me are that the words of wisdom seem to come both from the poem’s male actor (He/him) and from the Narrator/author. When from the N/author, it feels like a person in a play turns and addresses the audience directly. I think that is called breaking the fourth wall. Don’t do that in this poem. Here, the wisdom should be coming from he/him, as it explains why he acts the way he does. If the wisdom is voiced by the N/author, as in S.2 and S.4, then we can wonder whether he/him knows or not. And it is only a tough decision from which he/him knowingly accepts the consequences if he has the wisdom, and not exclusively your N. If I am not explaining this right, let me know and I will try again. Or better, ask Dave–he’ll have it.
Thanks, Gyppo and Tracy.
I thought I’d written it all from the narrator. In fact, I did actually wonder today if I’d used two voices.
I can kinda see where you’re coming from, Tracy. I’ll look again at the penultimate stanza, which I assume is the offending one.
Maybe the possible change of viewpoint jumped in with ‘you’ll look like a bastard’ instead of ‘he’ll look like a bastard’.
In which case you’ll need to look at accept or accepts as well .
OK, looking at this again, I’m not seeing what you’re seeing, Tracy. I’m so used to writing in the 1st person you had me confused. Maybe I still am.
A narrator writes the poem, so there’s no direct POV from he/him. I changed ‘you’ll’ in S5 to ‘he’ll’, (thanks, Gyppo) I wonder if this makes any difference to your interpretation, Tracy?
Thank you both for your comments.
Rightly or wrongly, I assumed that that was implied; I think I was so conscious of reducing the number of he/him/his in S2 they were kept to a minimum.
The original S4, I think it’s clear he/him knows.
There are times for truths,
and he knew he’d be judged
for his thoughtful silence
the unoffered arms.
I could have said
He knew there are times for truths,
and he’d be judged
for his thoughtful silence,
unoffered arms.
Probably better, but quite similar.
I’m not arguing, Tracy. Just trying to understand your POV
