Hours (revision)

Essays & Creative Writing Workshop & Feedback
1

Revision

No longer do I weave this cloth
for sleep. The cilice clings, so real
are you against my skin. This weft
and warp desire no hours to heal.
I hear the darkling loom within.
I thread my night. You are my cloth.
Over and under you thread my skin.

Original

No longer do I weave this cloth

for sleep. The cilice clings, so real

are you against my skin. This weft

and warp desire no hours to heal.

I thread my night. You are my cloth.

2

So much implied here, Phil.
These well chosen words: cilice, weft and warp, wrap this short one up.
Also love how you use ‘against’
It is self-contained… but I think it deserves just a little more detail.
Enjoyed this very much.

3

Thanks for taking a look Colm. I’ll have a think about expansion.

Cheers

Phil