Forgetfulness? I prefer not
It’s been a day of ghosts and memories,
some good, some not so good,
and one absolutely gut-wrenching.
Forgetfulness could be a blessing,
But overall I think not,
and I can live with days like today.
The good outweighs the bad,
so I’ll lock the memory box again,
and tomorrow is always another day.
Gyppo
Can relate Gyppo. Particularly engaged with the first two stanzas, which delivered enough for me to make the poem. There is enough character in those lines.
Phil
This is a fine start, I thought.
After that I couldn’t help thinking there was too much over-used language,
I’d be more interested in learning something of those ghosts, and how it feels, something palpable, rather than leaning on
Sorry if this comes across as a little harsh, just wanted something more than
I tend to agree with Tim. The reader is kept on the sidelines on this one. The “gut-wrenching” is a report here, not on experience. It could relate to anything. Just saying.
T
Hi Gyppo
Phil likes the first two stanzas as the whole poem, but I would choose the second and third, instead. That might point out a problem with the poem. You seem to have two topics going here, and trying to hold them together has caused you to use summarizing language.
From a fellow hoarder of memories,
Jackie