When I was a child,
I hid in tall grasses
‘till destiny’s reapers
scythed shelter away.
Exposed to the light,
I hardened and calloused
then weary and weathered
made peace with the day.
Oooo. “hid in tall grass” --surrounded yet unseen. Yes!
Neat weave of rhyme Marc, the form restrictions a bind that reinforces the theme. I feel the rhythm also works in that thematic struggle for release and peace. Does the use of ‘destiny’ mean there is no free will choice? Or this is just how life is in growing up. I do get the child sensitivities as opposed to the unsheltered adult hardened by experience and need for compromises.
Phil
Ps I googled 'till and found 'til is a poetry option for until, though till and until are more correct choices.
In two stanzas and eight lines you say what an 800 page might not be able to evoke in a reader. Marcel
Enjoyed this, Marc. A fine metaphor for person. I picture some little turtle.
Distracted by 'till, since there is no untill, I think till or 'til would be smoother.
Tom
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scythed shelter away
That is a fine, chiseled line right there …