Dad buried things

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1

Dad buried things

Dad buried a motorcycle,
deep in our back garden,
where he grew runner beans.

This wasn’t some bizarre ritual,
some biker ceremony,
just simple Northern expedience.

The frame had snapped suddenly,
and he wrestled it home,
his face still unusually pale.

Quickly replaced it languished,
leaning against the coal bunker.
Nobody even wanted it for spares.

The scrap man wanted paying,
wouldn’t take it away for nothing.
This money grabbing irked Dad

Dad never stayed irked for long.
With pick, shovel, and quiet rage
he buried the damned thing.

In later years I wondered about this,
speculated about digging it up,
doing a rebuild into a new frame.

Nearly every Spring Sis and I,
would joke about it.
“Time to dig up the Enfield.”

I no longer live there,
but I bet I could still find it.

Gyppo

1 Like
2

Like it Gyppo. The burials of things, emotions, and unearthing of past are neatly threaded with what is valued.

Phil

3

Enjoyed this Gyppo. Dad buries things and years later when his kids are grown they want to dig them back up. Small nit is s5L1 “paying” didn’t quite fit with me. Had to read it a couple times to make sure I was reading it right. I understand what is said just seems like it’s a strech for the reader to use that word.

4

Interesting sticking point. Would you be happier with ‘payment’? Or is it just the thought of a scrap man expecting to be paid that jars.

Gyppo

5

Interesting point about ‘paying’. I’m wondering if it is British vernacular. It is a word I would use in the context.

6

Great story. Well written. The poem could easily do with trimming though that would affect the rhythm. For example, the scrap wanted paying and would take it for nothing simply echo each other, one or the other would be enough. Still no one has stories like yours Gyppo

7

That could work or “wanted to charge” or just drop the “wanted payment” because in the next line you state he wouldn’t take it away for nothing.

8

I tend to write pretty much as I speak, probably because I’m a storyteller first. Which is why I sometimes tell things twice :wink:

Just be glad I’m not the army sergeant who was asked why his men seemed to learn new skills quicker than most.

“That’s easy, Sir, First I tells 'em what I’m going to tell 'em. Then I tells 'em. Then I tells 'em what I’ve told 'em.”

Gyppo

2 Likes
9

Bet you could. My hat’s off to that man.

10

The mystery embedded in this poem, Gyppo…the ‘quiet rage’
It could read like the opening of a murder mystery, “dad buried things” and his face unusually pale. Until we learn it’s about his motorcycle. Still, the reader wonders, okay, what else happened, beyond the frame had snapped suddenly, I wouldnt change anything, I love what you’ve achieved. I understand Tom Strong’s point about “wants paying” but I like the vernacularity of it. So well done.

11

The opening stanzas grab my interest, especially the accident. You give us just a hint of what happened, and it’s enough.

I had no problem with ‘paying’ but you could write
‘The scrap man shook his head’
an image would dovetail with the next line.

And I’d suggest ending with this line. It has a pleasing ring to it.

12

I love people who speak like that.