Crack (revision)

Poetry Original Works - Post Your Poems
1

Revision

The moat reflects a cloudless blue,
its circumference a treeless grin.
Untroubled, smirking, cold and deep,
it circles a castle proud in stone.

The Bard begins to pluck the harp strings,
to ripple myth along the walls,
unhooding pride, stitching in ice,
hear them shiver, hear the water splash!

Original

The moat reflected a cloudless blue,
its circumference a treeless grin.
Untroubled, smirking, cold and deep,
it circled a castle proud in stone.

The Bard plucked the harp strings
and rippled myth along the walls.
Unhooded pride, stitched in ice,
hear it shiver, hear the water splash!

2

The image in the first stanza stands out.
And the rhythm helps the read.

1 Like
3

What a wonderful description, Phil, of how a storyteller can convert a dreary old building into legend.

Would it make the conversion more immediate if the poem were all in the present tense? And consider making the second stanza all one sentence, converting “Unhooded” to “, unhooding”?

Love this
Jackie

4

Thanks Jackie. Very helpful. Duly revised.

All the best

Phil