Arrabbiata

Poetry Original Works - Post Your Poems
1

Revision 3

What lingering scent rises when
I pick up this dented watering can

and sprinkle borders of basil
and thyme as grandad once did?

The sparkle of him is winking up
but I sense gran through the blinds

spying, still angry with no splendour
of tomatoes, his sweetest truce

in her chilli pasta. I do what I can
to celebrate him, but learn grief’s

forgiveness digs a shallow grave. No

matter I have my spade and I dig too.

Revision 2

What lingering scent rises when
I pick up this battered watering can
and sprinkle borders of basil
and thyme as grandad once did?
The sparkle of him is winking up.
I sense gran spying through the blinds,
still angry for grandad’s splendor
of peppers, the cherished magic
in her chilli pasta. I do what I can
to celebrate him, but learn grief’s
forgiveness digs a shallow grave.

Revision

What lingering scent rises when
I pick up the ancient metal
watering can and sprinkle borders
of basil and thyme as grandad did?
The sparkle of him winking up.
I sense gran spying through the blinds,
still angry for grandad’s splendor
of peppers, the cherished magic
in her chilli pasta. I do what I can
to celebrate him, but learn grief’s
forgiveness digs a shallow grave.

Original

What lingering scent rises when
I pick up the ancient metal
watering can and sprinkle borders
of basil and thyme as grandad did?
The sparkle of him winking up.
I sense gran spying through the blinds,
still angry for grandad’s splendor
of tomatoes, the sweetest magic
in her chilli pasta. I do what I can.
Forgiveness is a shallow grave.

2

I love "The sparkle of him winking up.” Magnificent.

Funny, Phil—without knowing the word, I apparently made an arrabbiata pasta today—I had to look up the word. It was quite an angry one, because we like pepper! So the herbs call up the scent of the pasta, and the anger here comes from gran’s resentment. It seems she won’t forgive you because the tomatoes haven’t thrived? Could the tomatoes be chili peppers instead, since it’s a peppery pasta?

I’m being dense about the last line. By forgiving, do we bury the perceived wrongdoing? And you’re saying the grave is too shallow; the deed keeps getting pulled up?

Enjoyed very much!
Jackie

3

Thanks Jackie. Pleased my winking line delivered (it was the final addition to the poem) and pleased you connected with the title. I like your edit, the reference to peppers would be pertinent, so will revise. I guess I was feeling that tomatoes give balance to the dish (the bite of chilli).Yes, the anger is at failure to grow the plant, the success would have been a celebration and the continuity would have alleviated some of the anger in grief and being alone. Will think some more of translating and giving clarity to intent.

Phil

4

Oh, yes, I missed that. Of course she is angry about being alone. That was the depth of meaning I was missing in the last line. Beautiful.

5

Sorry, but I like the original (except for the peppers).

6

Appreciate you revisiting Jackie. I have a few versions of the poem, but still dithering over a definitive one. Thank you for your help in prompting revisions. I like to ponder options!

Phil

1 Like
7

You create an ineresting dynamic between gma&gpa’s relationship, And how she projects the N as a substitute for him.

1 Like
8

Killer title–I had to look it up too and was pleased with what I found. It suggests and fits the bubbling emotions of the household.

This is a much sadder poem than its diction would suggest. On the surface, it feels bright and light for a while–with lingering scents, sprinkling, sparkle, winking up, splendor, sweetest, cherished, etc. This makes a contrast to what is really happening.

*asside: “chili” is spelled here with one “L”, not sure about . . . . . where are you?

I may have this wrong, but I read that Gran was mad that the central ingredient of her chili pasta was provided by her partner, who is now gone and won’t be providing that anymore, and her chili pasta will never be the same. Metaphor for their relationship. Enough for her to be mad at him. This is not an unusual emotion–the gut-level feeling of being unjustly and/or unfairly left behind alone. And not just that he is gone, but that he took the relationship with him when he left.

Love the last line–so provocative!!

One more thing. Line endings. I shudder because I often learn more about where to break the line from your poems. You seem to have an intuitive touch. But here, I was jolted by the line break between ancient metal and watering can–S.1 L.2. It didn’t feel right, like I had to restart my intake of the poem or some such at that point. When I started fiddling, I saw the bounce in “and sprinkle borders of basil and thyme” as one line. And then I liked how a line break after sparkle tended to accent the winking up. So, I was off to the races bastardizing your lines. Anyway, I probably got carried away making your poem fit my proclivities, propensities, and atrocities. In any event, here’s what it looked like:

What lingering scent arises when I pick up
the ancient metal watering can
and sprinkle borders of basil and thyme
as grandad did–the sparkle
of him winking up.

I sense gran spying through the blinds,
still angry for grandad’s splendor of peppers,
the cherished magic in her chilli pasta.
I do what I can to celebrate him,
but learn grief’s forgiveness
digs a shallow grave.

A fun poem to engage with. There is so much depth. Forgive and ignore my fiddling.

Thank you.

T

1 Like
9

Tremendously helpful T. This made me particularly happy:

the gut-level feeling of being unjustly and/or unfairly left behind alone. And not just that he is gone, but that he took the relationship with him when he left.

Good to communicate. Thanks for digging on the title too.

*asside: “chili” is spelled here with one “L”, not sure about . . . . . where are you?

Wales. The other side of the pond for speaking/spelling English :smiley:

I was jolted by the line break between ancient metal and watering can–S.1 L.2. It didn’t feel right, like I had to restart my intake of the poem or some such at that point.

The break there appealed to my sense of humour T.
I don’t usually snap lines in that fashion and agree a smoother read could be achieved, which you neatly illustrate. Appreciate the options and effort and the reminder that poetry has an oral tradition.

All the best

Phil

1 Like
10

Hi Phil. I like Tracy’s suggested line breaks, makes the read smoother for me.

11

Thank you David. Good to know.

Cheers

Phil