About an hour ago

Poetry Original Works - Post Your Poems
1

A coffee stain

on the cuff

of his white shirt,

not the tie

depicting

a cat and mouse,

caused me to stand

by a girl

clutching grief

in a handkerchief.

.

I recall my neighbour’s

Labrador

pissing in snow,

the fractal

brilliance of frozen

undone

with needy insistence.

Politely,

I said ‘good morning’

and hurried here

about an hour ago.

.

Here, where details,

as they do,

will weave like litter

in wind

the ever echo

of elsewhere,

flutter trees

that have no leaves,

and the priest

will recite

what it all means:

.

the girl is

your estranged daughter;

the man

with the cartoon tie

is not a stranger;

your black tie

is an exclamation

for loss

in this silence

of snow

and at times

belief

and your eyes

will detail

with persistence

that spring

is leafing those trees.

.

2

I take it this was a funeral, where stark snapshot images often get captured to play back later.

Some very vivid imagery here, Phil.

'by a girl

clutching grief

in a handkerchief.’

There was a woman at a family funeral a few months ago, crushing a limp tissue, desperately holding herself together. I’ve no idea who she was but your words recall her as clear as ever.

And this section is magical.

I recall my neighbour’s

Labrador

pissing in snow,

the fractal

brilliance of frozen

undone

with needy insistence.

Gyppo

3

i love this poem, the wit, startling images…just a very absorbing work. I read this at a gallop.

4

Cheers Gyppo. Appreciated. I’m seeking, to some extent, to tone down some of my Dylan Thomas excesses after what you said about your use of language.

Phil

5

Great Trish. Appreciate the engagement and encouragement. ‘gallop’ is one to treasure!

Phil

6

I love each image and the odd juxtapositions. However, and maybe i am being dim i dont see the connection between the cuff stain and stand next to the girl. To me the way is written makes it seem like you need her hanky to wipe the stain. Also struggle with nevertheless which suggests you are at the funeral despite the dog pissing in the snow. But could be me miss- reading this. It has been known

7

Cheers Dave. Very helpful. I originally had ‘his’ and changed to ‘my’, but have restored the ‘his’. N.has an eye for what detracts. I have edited the ‘nevertheless’ to ‘politely’ to foreground the ‘surface’ behaviour.

Phil