A mermaid at play

Poetry Original Works - Post Your Poems
1

Mermaid at play

The ebbing tide left a smooth canvas,
and a salt-bleached stick to scribe
swirling loops and geometric patterns,

I thought of Emily, young and fragile,
doomed to leave early,
who loved her ‘beach art’

Wild designs, enhanced by shells,
colourful smooth sea-glass,
and briefly precious pebbles.

A beach as big as her imagination,
not the restrictions of a sketch pad.
A mermaid at play, lost in creation.

A fey little creature who once,
on a whim, dyed her red hair blue
simply because she liked the colour.

Gyppo

2 Likes
2

Enjoyed Gypo. I wondered if the immediacy of S2 could become S1 and S1 become the closing stanza to emphasize the invite is there for all.

Phil

3

I like Phil’s suggestion. Lovely combination of images, Gyppo.

Jackie

4

Cheers, Folks. I’m giving serious thought to this suggestion.

I rather like the feel of the ebbing tide at the end, leaving the slate wiped clean for whoever wants to pick up the stick. Little Emily rather liked the impermanence of her ‘beach art’, and that each new tide provided a new beginning.

Gyppo

1 Like
5

Gyppo,

I’ve met a few mermaids in my day.

They have seldom lasted long on land or in reality.

Love this poem in all its depths.

Thank you for sharing this whimsicle piece.

What a delight for the eyes, through your words.

Deb

6

Much enjoyed this gentle and engaging poem

7

I swapped the two verses and spent a few days looking at the new version. It’s grown on me, so here it is. I don’t dislike the original, but overall I think I prefer this version.

Gyppo

=====

A Mermaid at play

I thought of Emily, young and fragile,
doomed to leave early,
who loved her ‘beach art’

Wild designs, enhanced by shells,
colourful smooth sea-glass,
and briefly precious pebbles.

A beach as big as her imagination,
not the restrictions of a sketch pad.
A mermaid at play, lost in creation.

A fey little creature who once,
on a whim, dyed her red hair blue
simply because she liked the colour.

The ebbing tide left a smooth canvas,
and a salt-bleached stick to scribe
swirling loops and geometric patterns,

Gyppo

8

Revisiting Gyppo. I am enjoying both versions. An option, in the revised version, is to bring the reader into present, to close the poem with the present tense and a sense of continuity as well as remembrance. Either way, a lovely piece.

Phil

9

My friend, I have read this many times. Each time, it hits; sometimes deeper, sometimes just enough to make me remember the magic of whimsey.

In my opinion, it should be included in a significant publication.

10

Cheers, Deb.