Vain little ruby throated humming-
bird, briefly gorgeous on your way
to the honeysuckle,
depending on one’s religion,
you could be a messenger, an
ancestor, or your own selfish self—
a legend in your imagination,
attacking any hapless bird or bee
who only wants a sip or two,
you ignore the mosquitoes
tormenting up and down my arm.
Help me, you worthless thing
I said, but you only scissored
dark green feathers at me
and flew away.
Nice. Very pretty images. Last line felt flat.
The last line is what I like best about it, actually, but I like input.
I missed your comment about “very pretty” and I am a little puzzled, as the poem is about a hummingbird that attacks any bee or hummingbird that competes for a food source (as they do, very ferociously) and about a mosquito tormenting an arm.
All input is valuable. And I"m not arguing, but I’m really curious. What is “pretty” about it.
Trish, just a thought.
Seeing as the narrator is directly addressing the hummingbird would it be better of this line was ’ a legend in your own imagination?
Like the man in the pub, boring people witless with his tales, but who is a legend in his own mind. Or is this a particularly English way of describing the type ;-).
I must admit, I had no idea they were such aggressive little things.
They are as beautiful as the are nasty. I have them at each other at my feeder and can see why they feed so much when half their energy is chasing competion away. Let’s just say if they were humans they wouldn’t be running food kitchens.
I like the contrast at the end where the long mouths of the mosquito’s have symmetry with the long beak/tongue of the hummingbirds and yer cry for help goes unnoticed.
The descriptors are pretty. The title, ruby throated, briefly gorgeous, honeysuckle, all in S1. It settles down from there but the impact is made.
Hi Trish. Really enjoying this sharp write, I always appreciate authors gently turning tropes on their head. Like Laux’s “Life is Beautiful”, it takes something generally considered one way and goes to camera 2 instead.
The title is key here. We know the hummingbird is pretty. He knows it, too. This won’t be an ode. S1’s “briefly gorgeous” is key.
I love the reader’s perspective, sitting large with the narrator, irrelevant to the tiny savageries in front of us.
Your final stanza is my favorite. Love the scissored wings, dark green, and the bird’s
complete dismissal-- such a fitting end.
Hi Sharon, sorry for the late response, I’m still getting used to notifications…I appreciate your read and your comments, and look forward to reading from you!
Warm regards,
Trish
I am watching two males (from their gorgeous feathers) and I wonder why they can’t just share…there really is plenty there for all, but their territorial aggressiveness won’t allow it. Or I’m just anthropomorphizing… thanks for the comment, Tom.
charming poem. at once humorous and thought-provoking.
thanks, skygreg!
Can’t believe I missed this. Some stand out lines, this being one
Enjoyed this Trish, it’s fun.
Thank you, David!